Sending a young adult off to college can be simultaneously exciting and stressful, especially for parents of young women. Every family should have frank dialogue before moving day. Here are a few items to consider as you establish clear rules and expectations surrounding personal safety.
Establish Expectations
The very first thing that a family should do is establish clear expectations surrounding life on campus.
While today’s young adult has a vastly different life experience and access to information than a college student in the 1990s or early 2000s had, there are also things that they have never done on their own. Being a tenant on a lease, having to rely on themself as an adult (without parents ready to step in), and potentially needing to be their own advocate, might all be new experiences.
Here are 3 things that should be non-negotiable for your family:
1. Clear Communication
Expect that your young adult will clearly communicate their schedule, comings and goings, trips off campus, etc. Expect that they will check in with you, with their roommate, with teammates or coaches and with friends. Lay out a time or day that you will call and touch base with them.
And without being a “helicopter parent” you can explain the need for accountability—that someone must know when they return for the day or at least know if they are not where they should be. A roommate or classmate that they notify, if they aren’t informing you. Sharing your phone number and expectations with that roommate or friend is also a good strategy for communication. If your young person fails to respond to a text or message, the roommate is going to be the first person you want to reach.
Checking in can be as simple as, “Send me a text letting me know your day went well.” They need to know that this isn’t about control or an invasive sense of fear; it’s about making sure that the hugely important and loved person they are is never unaccounted for or in need of help.
2. Plans for Emergencies
One of the frustrating experiences I frequently had in college was the fire alarm that would inevitably be pulled on the weekend, and everyone was forced to leave the building in their pajamas in the wee hours of the night. Sometimes people didn’t have their ID or key. This was not fun and absolutely could have been a vector for anything from petty theft to malicious people gaining access to our building.
Young people facing that sort of situation should always stick with a roommate or friend and, if separated, not only should they make sure they let someone know they’re back inside safe, but they should check on their friends too.
Have an established plan for a real emergency. Small things like locking keys in a car to big things like a hurricane and needing to leave town can be huge problems for a young person alone, not to mention stress for their family. Don’t wait to react; be proactive and ensure that your young person has spares for things like key for their car, or a backup ID locked in a safe in their room.
The fire alarm scenario is very real and another reason for emergency plans and needed items to be in place. A small lockbox they can stash valuables into could save them from needing emergency cash or a new ID.
3. The Law as it Pertains to Personal Defense on Campus
Because many schools and universities are places where carrying a firearm is prohibited by law, even those legally able to carry concealed might be prevented from doing so. It is necessary to understand the laws that impact the decision to carry concealed or have a firearm on campus.
Not surprisingly, finding data on colleges that allow concealed carry is difficult, and internet searches are highly biased toward anti-gun organizations. Confirming with your actual school or local law enforcement is probably the simplest way to get information.
Some states cannot prohibit your right to concealed carry in the open, public spaces, even on campus, but can prohibit concealed carry inside buildings. Do your research to make sure you are complying with the law.
In many states, your private vehicle is a place where your right to have a firearm, stored and transported legally, trounces university policies.
Presence Matters
While young adults need to spread their wings and deal with adult situations as adults, it does not mean that parents should just wash their hands of their offspring and wish them luck. Being involved and making sure that the people who are in your young adult’s life know that there are expectations for everyone can be one of the most positive influences for them.
It would be nice to imagine the roommate who wouldn’t even suggest going to a party in a sketchy neighborhood because they met you and realize you care about your kid (and them). But young people are going to go to parties and establishing expectations for them to consider their safety and be answerable will carry more weight than you think.
Lastly, especially for young women, having a parent involved and present—someone who meets the landlord, the roommates or the resident advisor—showing that this young person is watched and valued and is not going to be a victim, can also be a layer of safety.
Having spent four years on a campus in a big city, commuting to a partner at school for some classes, being on an athletic team (shooting team) and having to navigate a city to get to my job and back to school at all hours, I saw my share of being aware of my surroundings and communicating my whereabouts. I can say that when you send your family member off to college, even something as small as showing up to go grocery shopping can mean a lot and be an opportunity to connect.
