What does the year 2021 hold for guns, gun rights and the women who love both? Who better to answer that question than us, the professional prognosticators at NRA Women? We’ve gazed into our crystal Minié ball, and our powers of divination have replied with a list of predictions. We know this is a pretty bold move after the year 2020, when absolutely nobody got what they expected, so we’re hoping you won’t hold us to our not-so-Nostradamus guesses!
January 2021
- After a long holiday season, gun stores reopen to long lines of customers...they’re not there to return any guns, but they’re sure hoping someone else is.
- A lone box of 9 mm mysteriously appears in the Utah badlands, then disappears just as suddenly.
February 2021
- Your boyfriend gives you a 12-gauge shotgun for Valentine’s Day that's clearly meant for his enjoyment, à la Homer Simpson presenting Marge with a bowling ball for her birthday. You wisely elect to keep the shotgun, and lose the boyfriend.
- Somewhere in America, an argument begins about whether the .22 is a viable choice for self-defense.
March 2021
- You mentor your best friend on her first turkey hunt; you both have a wonderful time, but she takes a bigger bird than you do. Now you know how your new boyfriend—the one you met at the gun club—feels.
- As the long-awaited vaccine becomes widely available, Joe Biden declares this as his final proof that nobody ever needs to possess an “Assault COVID-19.”
April
- You go clays shooting with that shotgun your ex-boyfriend bought you, and the developing bruise on your cheek suddenly makes you nostalgic for those stupid COVID masks. Our crystal Minié ball predicts that there’s a visit to a gun fitter in your future.
- The Nazca Lines, those mysterious geoglyphs carved into the very turf of the Peruvian high plateau and only visible by air, now depict a box of .223 in addition to the birds and plants.
May
- You go on a bear hunt in a remote corner of Alaska with two goals in mind: a safe, humane harvest … and not being The Woman Who Did That. Because the crystal Minié ball believes that 2021 will be an improvement on 2020, you succeed at both.
- In yet another scientific shocker, three boxes of Winchester primers are unearthed during an archaeological dig in Peru, clutched in the skeletal hands of a paleolithic huntress.
June
- A woman will enter a gun store looking for a firearm with a specific set of features that she has determined will best suit her needs. Although she may well find it, she will do so over the clamor of some very ignorable advice.
- When asked if he still recommends that women defend their lives by firing a double-barrel shotgun twice into the air—a practice that is illegal in most areas and dangerous in all of them—Joe Biden calls the reporter “CornPop” and threatens him with a bicycle chain.
July
- Somewhere in America, a competitive shooter with multiple national wins is told that she is holding her firearm incorrectly by the random guy in the carrel next to her.
- While taking an intensive gun-tactics course you split three fingernails down to the quick and vow never to go to the range without your Maglula upLULA again. You will forget this vow three months later.
August
- The argument about whether the .22 is a viable choice for self-defense moves on to whether .380 is preferable to 9 mm and shows no signs of stopping.
- A new shooter enters a gun club and be clumsily hit on by one of these four guys. If asked, all of them will deny that they were hitting on her.
September
- NRA Women staff begin gleefully assembling spooky stories for October, turning in their articles before their deadlines (the eeriest and most mysterious development to date).
- Joe Biden unveils his plan to outlaw double-barrel extended-clip magazines to absolutely zero resistance. Nobody tells him why.
October
- A mysterious, grainy video surfaces of a case of .45 hollow point moving swiftly through an Idaho forest to the accompanying booms of large-caliber fire. The video is widely dismissed by skeptics, who announce it must have been Bigfoot.
- Hey, remember that upLULA you swore you’d never leave home again? No, no you didn’t. At least not according to the three nails you just split. Again.
November
- At Thanksgiving, you will spend 20 precious minutes of your life–which you will never get back—explaining to your sister-in-law that no, you won’t replace your EDC with a whistle.
- Biden unveils his plan to levy a $200 tax on every civilian in possession of an “Assault COVID-19” to absolutely zero resistance, and he still doesn’t know why.
December
- Every single gun- and outdoors-themed website you know has published gift guides for NRA Women like you…but only one is written by an NRA Woman like you.
- How can you tell? Because while the existence of “Assault COVID-19s” and Bigfoot are up for debate, the box of 9mm, three boxes of primers and the case of .45 are under your tree, restoring your faith in the magic of the holidays (and the forces of the marketplace).
However your 2021 turns out, we wish you a very merry holiday season, and all the best for the coming year!
