What’s the best caliber for self-defense? It’s a debate that has raged ever since the first huntress of the Paleolithic plains shouldered her atlatl (only to be told that she was holding it wrong). From 9 mm Luger to .45 ACP, everyone has an opinion about what ammunition works best. The whole debate revolves around ballistics, terminal performance and reliability … but there’s something missing from the discussion. What about defensive ammunition that serves as a deterrent? That’s where the all-new .48 RBF, which I just invented, comes in.
The .48 RBF chambering may be new, but it has its roots in the past (48 years ago, to be precise). What’s revolutionary about this ammunition is that it leverages one of the most powerful tools in a woman’s arsenal, and that is the natural expression her features fall into when she is thinking about other things.
Relying as it does upon the defender’s face, the .48 RBF cannot be concealed and therefore must count as “Open Carry” (always check your local laws to ensure such is permitted in your area). This is actually a feature, not a bug, as this is where the .48 RBF really shines … in its deterrent value. Yes, it’s a bold criminal indeed who ignores your openly displayed defensive firearm, but only a truly insane one would ignore the clear, dire warning of the .48 RBF caliber.
The secret to the .48 RBF’s devastating uprange impact lies in its ogive-meabreak profile. It’s a devastating ballistic design composed of upcoming deadlines, the current price of gas and tax season. With 48 years of powder—ill-preserved in occasionally suboptimal conditions—this defensive ammo always looks like it might go off at any moment. Especially if it’s actually mostly just thinking about which kind of potato chips to buy.
I recently had the opportunity to field-test the .48 RBF in some real-world scenarios. Unlike other kinds of defensive ammunition, the .48 RBF does its best work off the range, long before anyone gets close enough to serve as a threat. (This is for the best, since nothing chambered in .48 RBF is going to fit in a purse.) I took my .48 RBF out for a few chores, and was seriously impressed by its efficacy.
A few words are in order about testing methodology. Because the .48 RBF isn’t actually in the firearm, my accuracy measurements had to be done a bit differently. Instead of comparing point of aim (PoA) and point of impact (PoI), I compared smile requests (SR) to smile denials (SD). Every man who enjoined me to smile represented one SR. Every time I looked at him without changing expression counted as an SD. Every time he flinched and muttered “sorry” counted as a bullseye. The .48 RBF produced a 1:1:1 ration of SRs to SDs to Sorry I Bothered You, Wow. That’s a serious improvement over all previous versions of the RBF chambering.
Unlike other deterrent-effect defensive tools, the .48 RBF requires virtually no maintenance of any kind, and in fact suffers from primping. I found in my testing that the less I bothered polishing and painting the .48 RBF, the more devastating its knockdown power. In fact, the only significant drawback that I’ve identified to date with the .48 RBF is that mandated mask-wearing does reduce its SR:SD ratio significantly.
What’s next in the world of Resting B Face chamberings? We’ll be sure to tell you next April Fool’s!
